Weddings
Congratulations. You have become engaged to be married and you are considering St Paul’s Knightsbridge as a place to seek God’s blessing upon your marriage. At St Paul’s we take preparation of those seeking a church wedding very seriously. If you are not already a member of the community here, we hope and expect you will strongly consider becoming one. We look forward to working with you as you plan both your wedding day and the rest of your married life together – and will hope to support you in the medium and long-term.
The Church of England has a comprehensive website to help plan your church wedding which is available here.
Marriage and the Law
In order to be married in any Parish Church in England you have, by law, to meet certain requirements – which have to do with your status as a baptised person, your resident status in the UK, your place of geographical residence in London and/or the place you habitually worship. These are outlined on the Diocesan Website.
Before you do anything else you should make an appointment to see the Vicar of the Parish, Fr Alan Gyle. He will explain the law as it applies to your marriage and will discuss the possibilities of either a wedding service in church, or a blessing after a civil marriage.
Thereafter, having met with the Vicar and agreed what is possible, there are various decisions to be made and resources open to you.
Wedding Music
Our Director of Music, Stevie Farr, will be pleased to meet with you after a Sunday morning service to talk through the musical arrangements. The musical tradition at St Paul’s is well known and our musicians – both singers and instrumentalists – are among the best in London. Music in church services can uplift, inspire and embrace and chosen carefully, good and appropriate music can help to make your wedding or blessing service memorable. The repertoire at St Paul’s is wide and varied, and Stevie and his team will help you to weave your own ideas and suggestions that may be new into the fabric of the service in an imaginative and balanced way.
The Marriage Service
The clergy will expect to see you as you begin to plan for your wedding day to look with you at the form of service and the Christian understanding of marriage it expresses. They will be able to give you some initial ideas about what you should be thinking about, what and whom you should be consulting, and what the timescale is for meetings, decisions and rehearsals. As you draw nearer to your wedding day they will expect to meet with you again to pull together the conversations you will have been having elsewhere, and to finalise the service. The relationship with the priest who is marrying you is a vitally important one, both on your wedding day and in the years ahead. We take the commitment seriously – and hope and expect you will do so as well.
Marriage Preparation:
A wedding day is a few short hours – but a marriage is a lifetime together. Alongside the lavish preparations you will be making for your ‘big day’, we very much hope that you will also set aside a few hours and take advantage of the St Paul’s Marriage Course (being introduced in January 2007). Underpinning the course are the convictions that a good marriage depends on the ability to communicate well, to exhibit flexibility, to be aware of strengths and potential weaknesses in your relationship, to have shared values and to address differences and conflict effectively. Even relationships that are felt to be strong can, with a little work, be made stronger still – and partners who believe they understand their loved-one well can be helped to understand and support their partner even better. The Marriage Course uses a tried and tested psychometric inventory (filled in by you both confidentially and computer-assessed) to provide clues about the areas of your relationship that are already strong – and raises areas you may need to be aware of if you are to avoid potential problems later. These then form the basis of a confidential discussion facilitated by one of a small, carefully chosen team of professionals, each married and skilled at helping couples to understand each other better. The cost of this course is £100 – which pays for both the psychometric test and the time with the facilitator. At a time when couples are faced with all sorts of expenses we hesitate to introduce even more cost – but we believe that this money is money very well spent, and an investment in the future!
Oh, and for those recently married, or those who wish to examine their relationships after perhaps many years of marriage, the inventory is available in slightly different forms to reflect your circumstances. Please speak to one of the clergy.
